In a recent TG Forum article (9/30/2002) Diane Dale discussed "The Still-Smoldering CD/TS Dichotomy". In the interest of smothering those embers--but at severe risk of fanning them back into flames!--may I present some things that you, as a crossdresser, may not know about my life as a transsexual woman.

1. Living full-time in my new gender presentation IS different than part-timing. You are thrilled with every opportunity to dress; I am thrilled to kick off my heels at the end of the day. You ponder whether you dare go out dressed to this particular place or in that particular situation; I don't think about it. You are excited and delighted that from time to time you pass; I am annoyed that from time to time I don't. Please forgive me if I am impatient listening to some of your "going out" stories. For me, it's like watching videos of the first steps your baby took. I know it's fascinating to you, but I've "been there, done that, got the whole blessed wardrobe!" Maybe we can make a deal? I'll try to act interested in your "going-out" stories, and you have to try to act interested in my "hormones made me insane" stories!

2. If it's a competition to see who is the most transgendered (it's not), you win! You are more trannie than me! You will deal with trans issues every day for the rest of your life. Of course I will always be trans, but for the most part I am done with trans-issues. This is what "woodworking" or "going stealth" is all about--not rejection of the trans community, but simply moving on with my life as a woman. (And it most certainly is NOT about rejection of the dear friends I have made in the trans community, CD, TS, and "other" alike. I will try very hard to always stay close to you!)

3. If I hadn't transitioned, I'd be dead. Most of my TS sisters say the same thing. My method of suicide was a very popular one, booze. If you are considering transitioning, I'm happy to talk with you about it. But please understand that the subject is life-or-death serious to me. Of course, if you are serious, your best counselor is a professional gender therapist, not me.

4. I really do believe I am a women. Totally and completely. With or without SRS. No matter how poorly I might pass. Or how I choose to dress. I was born female, but with male genitalia, and that's it.

5. I don't hate my penis. (Although some TS sisters do.) It wasn't very long ago that I never would have believed it would ever come to SRS for me. But now, it's no big deal. Oh, no question that it is a major surgery, but the angst over losing the little guy is long gone. Nor do I believe that SRS is necessary to "complete" me as women. I think of it mainly as an aesthetic preference. Like: "I did a nose job, botox, and SRS. How about you?"

6. I hear you asking, "Why do transsexuals dress so plainly?" It's true, you will often see me in jeans and a tee-shirt. I still get excited about dressing up and looking sexy. But mostly I tend to dress "merge", that is, dress appropriately to blend in with normal people in real life situations. It's about passing and just plain comfort. Okay, I'll admit it, some of us TS gals just don't have any sense of taste and style! (Do either of our groups hold a monopoly on that?)

7. Coming out as a transsexual is not embarrassing. Before I transitioned, this was one of my great fears: how can I look my family/friends/co-workers in the eye and tell them, "I am a woman!"? But when the time came, it was easy and it felt great. More pride than embarrassment. And typcially the reaction from the other person was, "If that's what you need to do to be happy, then I am happy for you." Then usually I would cry.

8. I am resigned to being alone for the rest of my life. I have hopes that I may find that special person and have a normal loving relationship, but I know the odds are against it. Even if I am lucky enough to find such that person, the odds are that the relationship will not be long-lasting.

9. Electrolysis hurts. Well, so I'm told. I'm not doing electrolysis, I'm doing laser hair removal. That hurts too.

10. Living as a woman full time is wonderful! Being a girl is fun. Being a woman is mystical. My wildest dreams have become my reality. Oh wait, I'll bet you already knew that one!

Love,
Lannie Rose
2/2003

---

Home .. Words index