Neo-Vagina Monologue 1
A Chick With A Dick
I want to get rid of my penis. I am a chick with a dick. But I'd rather be a chick with a vagina.
I was born with a male body. With a dick. I knew how to use it. I did use it. At every opportunity. (This, however, was not very often.) I am pleased to report that my dick works. It pleases. It pleases me. It pleases others.
A little while ago, I decided to live the rest of my life as a woman. That's a whole other story, pretty much the standard one. The question is, what about my dick?
My dick still works. It still gives pleasure to me and others. I'm surprised at how many men like my dick. Back when I was a man, I would have been appalled to find a dick on a woman, I think. I can't say for sure, because I never ran into the sitution. Now I'm pretty broad-minded about it, and so are a lot of other people it seems. And I guess some people are just kinky.
Back when I was a man, my dick worked liked this: If I saw a beautiful woman, my dick would start to get hard. If she had big, beautiful, rounded breasts, blood would rush into my dick, and it would get bigger. If those breasts were exposed, or nipples were evident, my dick would get even bigger and harder. If I saw a pretty woman with long shapely legs and a short skirt, dick again. If I thought I could get a glance up that skirt when she sat down, big-time dick!
Nowadays, if I see a beautiful woman, I check out her shoes. If they're cute, I want to know where she got them. If she has big breasts and a nice ass, I will admire them, even be jealous, but it does not cause blood to pump into my dick. I'm not sure why it doesn't. I would still like to make love to beautiful women. At least I think so. I just haven't had the opportunity, for several years. Maybe it seems so unobtainable to me, that my dick can't be bothered to make the effort.
I do make love with men these days. But the sight of a tall, strong, handsome guy does not send the blood rushing into my dick. Sometimes when I let myself imagine how nice it will feel when he is holding me, stroking me, wanting me.. that can cause a dick uprising, indeed. Usually I try not to let that happen, because I don't like sight of my dick tenting the skirt of my dress. (Some men do love that particular sight.)
When I make love with a man, I love his dick. I like to hold it, I like to feel it grow in my hand, or my mouth. I like to suck on it and here him groan. I like to feel how turned on the guy is, physically, emotionally, psychologically. When I'm giving a guy oral sex, somehow I usually get the impression that he feels really lucky, that he's really pulling something off. Maybe it's because his wife (ex-wife, hopefully) or girlfriend (ex-!) wouldn't do that for him. Whatever. Good for him! I'm glad he feels that way.
Often guys want to grab my crotch, feel my cock, suck on my dick. I don't get it. I don't want to suck on a woman's dick. I guess I don't get why I don't get it, as well. I like sucking on theirs, why shouldn't they like sucking on mine? Because I'm a woman, dammit! Maybe somehow it makes me feel like less of a woman.
I sometimes let guys do what they want with my dick. If they really dig it, then it's okay with me. I have reservations, but I try to put them aside and enjoy it. I love the attention. And yes, it feels really good. Sometimes I even cum.
I don't let guys fuck me in the ass. I wish I could, but my asshole is just too damn tight. I'm working on it. Maybe someday I'll be able to do that. I've had things in my ass, and I know it can be a wonderful sensation. And it's not un-womanly, you know. Some women take it in the ass. Hell, I've seen them do it in movies!
So far, nobody has been upset that I won't let them fuck me in the ass. I'm pretty selective about who I have sex with, so that's not too surprising. Besides, there's plenty of other fun things to do. Dry-humping is one of them. Rubbing, but not penetrating. Over clothes sometimes, but also naked. Just not penetrating anything.
The other night I was making love with my boyfriend, in female-dominant missionary position. He was on bottom. I was laying on top of him; not supporting my torso on my arms, like a man would, but laying all my weight on him in a big hug. I got to moving my hips so my erect penis rubbed in his groin. It felt very good. I rubbed and rubbed. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling. He held me tightly and, just with the warmth of his embrace, encouraged me to enjoy myself. I drifted away, and shed a few tears of happiness as I came. It was wonderful. But even as I enjoyed it, I wished that, instead of a penis, I had a vagina. I wished his penis could be throbbing and erect inside my vagina, the shaft of it rubbing on my clitois, creating the sensations I was feeling in my body. I wished we could be doing it like "normal people". I felt that that would feel better for me, and for him. Better in our minds, I mean. Maybe better in our bodies, too, but that's secondary.
So that's really why I want a vagina. Yes, tucking is a pain in the ass (sometimes literally), and a constant reminder that I'm not a real woman. And it's awkward if my dick flops out of my panties and dangles around under my skirt, or if it develops an erection. It would be nice to wear a bikini bottom at the pool. But mostly, I want to make love as a woman. Not as a chick with a dick.
Lannie Rose
3/2002
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