Letters to the Family
(written, but not sent)
Dear Mom,
I don't want to pick a fight with you, so I won't send you this
letter. Maybe you'll feel what I'm saying with your ESP.
Anyway, I want tell you that I cannot make sense of your
feelings. You say you that you still love me, even though I am
transsexual and I have chosen to live my life as a woman. But
I am not welcome in your house presenting myself as I am, as
I choose, as a woman. I ask you, what kind of love is that?
You say you do not hate me, you are just very sad for me.
You believe I have chosen a lifestyle that will end up hurting
me, not physically so much as emotionally. People will hate me
because of what I am, and that will hurt me. But right now,
your sadness is the only thing that is hurting me. What
should I feel more strongly, the hate of strangers, or the
sadness of my closest loved ones?
You say you are sad because you do not believe this is what
God wants for me. In the transgendered community, we have a
saying. We say, "God does not make mistakes." Do you only see
the genitals God gave me? Would you please try to know the
mind that God gave me, my true self?
You say you are sad because I have not accepted Jesus into
my heart, and it is only through Jesus that we are saved.
Yet you have loved and lived your life with a man who has
never accepted Jesus into his heart. Your husband, my father,
who has more goodness in his heart than any other person I
have ever met. If Jesus is a loving God, will He keep us
from being with you in the afterlife?
I know right now you can't believe this, but I'm going to
repeat what I told you on the phone today. Someday, maybe soon,
maybe after a while, this will not seem like such a big deal.
I'm still me, you're still you, you're still my mother, and our
love is still there. Gender is not such a big deal. I urge you
to embrace the time we have together, the present time, and not
let it be destroyed by worries about an unknown future.
Love,
Lannie
4/4/2002
Dear Dad,
Since I told you about my transsexuality and my choice to live
the rest of my life as a woman, you have not spoken with
me--other than to make sure I would not show up any family
gatherings in femme appearance. I wish I could share some
thoughts and experiences that could help you better understand
my situation. But, without communication, I do not know how
to start. I suppose it's too much to ask, to look for a healthy
father-daughter relationship, although that is what I fervently
desire. But I see no reason why we cannot continue to have a
healthy parent-child relationship. I am sorry for your pain.
I am sorry that the cause of it is me healing my own pain. I
look forward our mutual healing, which I am confident will
come eventually.
Love,
Lannie
4/4/2002
Dear Bob,
I know you are very upset about your younger brother, me,
turning into your your younger sister, still me. I'd just
like to say this. GET OVER IT! Who's the sissy here, after all?
Love,
Lannie
4/4/2002
Dear Mike,
I suppose you are still feeling confused about the revalation of
your big brother's transsexuality. But I am sure it is not getting
a lot of your attention, as that must be focused on your
beautiful new son. I am so happy for you and Janet, and I
welcome the new addition to the family. May I ask you consider
this? I'll bet you are simply amazed at the depth of love
you feel for your little baby. I'm sure it's more than any
love you ever imagined you could feel. You will love him no
matter what, won't you? Even if he turns out to be abnormal
in some way--like his Auntie Lannie for example? (By the way,
I think you've been around long enough by now to know,
nobody--but nobody--is "normal".)
Love,
Auntie Lannie
4/4/2002
Dear Mary,
I just wanted to tell you that your new big sister loves you.
Love,
Lannie
4/4/2002
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