1st Restroom Letter to V.P. H.R.
Dear _____,
This note repeats some discussions we have had about my restroom
situation, and adds a few new thoughts. Please feel free to share
it with executive staff and corporate council if you feel it is
appropriate and helpful.
First of all, I would like to once again thank you, ______ management,
and my co-workers for your very gracious support of my transition,
as I change my gender expression from male to female. I have shared
my story with others in the transgender community, and everyone
agrees that the company's response has been the best possible, and
one that is all too uncommon even in this valley and industry.
_____ is to be commended on its progressive policy--on how much it
cares for and values its employees.
The only bump in the road at this point seems to be the inevitable
restroom dilemma. I'm sure we can work this out to everyone's
satisfaction, and I am certainly willing to be flexible. I don't
mean to "argue" about it, but it occurred to me that if you have
not dealt with this issue before, some "education" may be helpful.
I've researched the issue and spoken with many people who have
been through it. Here are some points to ponder as you contemplate
the best path for us to take.
The current situation is that executive staff and corporate council
are concerned about exposure to sexual harassment claims if a I am
allowed to use the women's restroom facilities. Therefore I am
requested to please use the men's facilities, until such a time as
I become a "real woman". I sympathize with this concern. We are
living in litigious times, and sexual harassment is about the
trickiest area there is. Our common goals are to minimize everyone's
discomfort and inconvenience, and to avoid any sort of acrimony or
litigation. I am willing to try out the proposed solution, that I
use the men's room--indeed, I am doing so now. But I think we may
be able to do better.
Please understand that I believe I am now, and have always been, a
"real woman". That is exactly the reason why I am transitioning. It
is only through a quirk of biology that my body developed with male
sexual characteristics, and a quirk of society that I was raised as
a male. This is not a fantasy or a merely psychological disturbance.
It is a real physiological condition clinically identified as
"gender dysphoria". Doctors believe that it comes about from a
variation in the timing of in utero hormones during fetal
development. Evidence also points to female-like neuron counts in a
portion of the limbic system of male-to-female transsexuals.
Since I recently recognized my own gender dysphoria, I am remedying
it to the best of my ability by changing my gender expression and
over time utilizing available medical technology to modify some of
my physical attributes. As a real woman, RIGHT NOW, it is very
embarrassing and uncomfortable for me to use the men's restroom.
I expect that some or all of the men I encounter in the restroom
will be uncomfortable with it as well.
There appears to be no controlling legal authority to dictate a
proper response to the restroom dilemma. "Gender identity and
gender expression" are not commonly a protected category like
"race", "sexual orientation", and "gender". (This varies by state
and locality. The transgender community is actively pursuing
inclusion of such language in laws everywhere, and bills are
pending in many states including California. It would be
progressive of _______ to include this language in its policy
statements.) Unquestionably, compromise is the best solution at
this time.
Everyone seems to agree that when a male-to-female transsexual
has undergone sexual reassignment surgery and has had her legal
gender changed to female (perhaps on the birth certificate? or
drivers license? id requirements vary by location and situation)
then clearly she should use the women's restroom facilities. But
consider this please: do you know the state of my genitalia? Do
you want to know? Does every employee who might potentially claim
sexual harassment know the state of my genitalia? Does everyone
need to know the state of the genitalia of everyone else who
uses their restrooms? I can tell you, nobody has checked me yet.
By the way, how often do we need to check, given that this whole
silly dilemma arises from the fact that it can change! So you can
see that going down this path leads to an absurd situation. In
fact, the process of checking a person's genitalia is much more
likely to be sexually harassing than use of the facilities!
Further examining the sexual harassment hypotheses, I carefully
read the _______ sexual harassment policy statement. There is
nothing that can in any way be applied to the restroom situation.
Restroom activity is strictly sanitary in nature, not sexual.
If any sexual activity is taking place in the restroom (or
anywhere else on company premises for that matter), there is
certainly a problem--even if no transsexuals are involved.
Is it possible that the presence of shower facilities in the
_____ restrooms aggravates the situation? It is not a problem,
because sufficient privacy is available for a showering person
to maintain their modesty. Otherwise there would surely be some
people who would be offended by seeing naked bodies or displaying
their own, even if all the bodies have similar genitalia. You
might say, "If you are that sensitive, stay away from the showers!"
The same answer applies if a transsexual is introduced into the
situation. So the transsexual presents no novel contribution to
the possible hostile work environment even in this case.
Finally, it is interesting to note that this seems to be a
uniquely American problem. Europeans and Asians have a more
mature attitude about restrooms. I remember being startled in
both France and Japan by female attendants in the male restroom.
Or maybe it's not an American problem either? I have been using
women's restrooms for over a year in airports, department stores,
nightclubs, and other public places without any problems.
So it seems to me that it should be no problem if I simply go
ahead and use the women's room. But I am biased of course! So
let me suggest a compromise that seems to eliminate the
discomfort for everyone, spreads the inconvenience to a minimal
number of people, and eliminates the possibility of sexual
harassment issues. This solution is to circulate a memo to all
the women at _______ saying, "Our transsexual employee, Elaine
_____, will be using the upstairs women's room. If anyone is
uncomfortable sharing the facility, please use the downstairs
restroom." I have been told that this solution has worked well
at many other companies, and it seems like it would work well
at _______.
Once again I would like to thank you for all your cooperation
and support. I make no demands, but I humbly request that
you re-consider the best solution to the restroom dilemma.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Elaine _______
Go back