The Other Side of the Coin

By Bev Barnes

After having talked about the mysteries associated with stealth, I got an ear full supporting the reasons for being totally out in the open with people about our transgenderedness. I heard this from both pre-op and post-op people and one issue was common to them all and that was they plan to or did transition in place. You have to admit that it is pretty hard to transition and be in stealth and sit down at work next to people that you have worked with for 20 years.

Those that I spoke to all said that it was their desire to educate the people around them about TG issues. That is all well and good assuming that everyone you work with is open minded. But none ever spoke about the risk of losing their jobs or being ostracized by co-workers. It is wonderful to be totally out with nothing to hide but how realistic is their impression that the world is suddenly an all loving and accepting place? Am I being too negative here? Am I being too paranoid about my own work situation where gender expression or identity is not protected? Has the world really changed? I am at a quandary.

I understand their reasoning but how is it valid? I know a lot of people who have lost their jobs because they were TS. Some transitioned on the job and some never got to the point of transitioning once they were outed. What makes these positive thinkers feel that they will not have repercussions? Can I be so cavalier to think that I can simply waltz into work and transition without any fear of reprisal? I am really confused. Another point about these individuals is that they all have what I would classify as "upper level" jobs. They are academics, doctors, managers; people with prominent jobs, not a lowly grunt like myself so their importance to their place of employment is much higher than mine. If one of them were to be terminated then it would take a while for their firm to adjust and recover from the loss. If I were to lose my job, my company would not even hiccup. So to me that has a major impact as to feeling not vulnerable.

All too often we read about hate crimes. We hear about people being kicked out of their homes by parents and family. I see too many of us losing our friends and support structure once we out ourselves. So with all of these negatives going on, how can these people say that honesty is the best policy. Do we really know that the reason we did not get the job is because we are TG and not because they found someone better qualified? Do we really know what people are saying behind our backs? Do we really know that we were denied service in a store or restaurant because they were "really" busy or was is that no one wanted to deal with us? We will never know those answers but I think those questions will always haunt us. If you walk up to a group of people and they are laughing; are they laughing because of some joke or are we that "joke?"

I think it is very noble of these people who want to educate the world and Lord knows the world is a very ignorant place. But how realistic is it for them to think this way or are they just looking at the world thru rose-colored lenses in Elton John glasses? From talking to others who pass well and have been fulltime for a couple of years they still get a thrill for just being "one of the girls" and not being something else. Many of them are out at work and do not hide the fact that they are TG but most would rather be seen as just another woman. One friend told me that as new people come into her firm, they treat her just like any other woman until someone "clues them in" about her past and then the new people treat her differently. She transitioned on the job but she wishes her past would be forgotten.

So I feel that the "crusaders" have a lofty quest but I also feel that they too will lose interest in teaching the world about TG issues and will eventually go about their lives hoping their past will, like snow, melt away and become a distant memory on some August afternoon. There is nothing wrong with that. We all can get burned out trying to be the torchbearer.

Certainly, the conditions and environment in which we each live will dictate from which paths we can choose. Whether we are totally in stealth, an "in your face" activist, or somewhere in between; our choice may come down to a coin toss. I am sure that we are all better off because of the ones willing to teach the world about us. Hopefully they will make a difference. I know I walk a brighter path because someone before me has lighted the way.

Bev Barnes